1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
