it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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