Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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