one might say we're banned from that church
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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