Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
