Only a mothe r could love this liver
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
