1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
