just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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