I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize