Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Randomize
