I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
