oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
