all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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