So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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