Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
