what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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