No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
We were destined to go to rehab together
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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