I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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