I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
