my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
