Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize