if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
