We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
