he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
