I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
