Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
