I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
sex in a hospital.. check
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
