oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
