Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
