I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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