The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
