"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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