Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
