pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She even gives head with a lisp.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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