I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize