he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
