I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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