Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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