im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
