apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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