hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
