i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
