My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He felt like a one man threesome
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
