I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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