I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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