fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize