My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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