i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
