I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
