Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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