Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
