and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize