how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
