Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
