I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
