Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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