Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
