I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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