you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
