Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I'm passing your future prison.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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