Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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