So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Randomize
