We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
