if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
