True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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