I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize