so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
