They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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