The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
