Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
