She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
