This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
