This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
