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• (515): View more from Iowa

  I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?

  (1-515): View more from Iowa

  Eco-friendly.

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.

  (1-256): View more from Alabama

  dude how high are you right now?

  (256): View more from Alabama

  do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.

  (925): View more from California

  "half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?

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• (706): View more from Georgia

  Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out

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• (315): View more from New York

  Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?

  (518): View more from New York

  Its called bad cop laid cop.

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• (719): View more from Colorado

  I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"

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• (206): View more from Washington

  when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.

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• (706): View more from Georgia

  If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Most definitely.

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...

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• (384): View more from

  So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are

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• (509): View more from Washington

  Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....

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• (859): View more from Kentucky

  My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.

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