Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize
