Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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