Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
