ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
