just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
