We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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