His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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