im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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