I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
This beer is not sobering me up at all
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
