I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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