a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
