I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
