woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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