the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
