I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Operation Purity has been aborted
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
