Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
