If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
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