oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
