I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
