Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
