I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
