50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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