Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
