They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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