You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
