Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize