Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
