They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
