She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
