I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
