You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
