The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Hippo gnu deer
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
